someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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