Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
