Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
