I look better un-naked...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
