Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
