Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
