I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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