Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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