I'm so fucking centered right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
