The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
