I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
