bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
