just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
