Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
