Do you still have your period?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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