someone owes me an orgasm
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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