I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
