I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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