Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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