I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
