My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
