What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
