you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
