So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
