and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
