I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
