so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
