Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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