i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
