just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
