She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come share oat with me in your robe
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
