you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
