I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
