FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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