so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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