moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
