I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
