Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just pee around me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
