what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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