so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
