oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
