i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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