loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize