SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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