Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize