you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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