I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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