I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
