were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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