Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
