you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize