I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize