it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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