Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
