The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize