her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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