Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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