Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
