dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
