I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
two words...techno handjob
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
