The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
