i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
