I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
