Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
