In the future we'll all be gay
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
