What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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